Latest MRI Update

For a couple weeks now, my head and neck have been really hurting. They've actually been hurting so much that I was waking up in my sleep in pain. Also, I've noticed a lot of dizziness. But I kept "pushing through the pain", until this week when I had just had enough.

Monday I got pretty annoyed. Well, really I got VERY annoyed. Next Tuesday will be 16 months post surgery and still I'm having problems. I thought all this would be over by now and I have way too much to do. This pain is totally interfering with my life. Maybe I sound a little facetious, but I'm being honest. I've been slipping in school, having a very difficult time working out, and am so worn out once I get home that I feel like I'm a walking zombie – and I’m not even working!! I am 25 with a family and friends and goals and dreams and this is not part of my plan.

So anyway, Wednesday the pain was probably at its' peak this go 'round, and I got very down. I don't normally get discouraged, but by Wednesday I was just tired and hurting and tired of hurting. So mom and Martin got pretty concerned, and long story short - I ended up in the hospital yesterday. I had an MRI scheduled in 2 weeks anyway, so the doctor that saw me went ahead and ordered one last night. I normally despise MRI's, but this one took less than an hour, which is a record for me. Plus it's the first MRI that I was given a shot of Demoral before hand, so I was pretty relaxed and laying perfectly still wasn't too difficult.

My MRI came back pretty good (according to the radiologist, my neurologist is out of town until next week). The scar tissue around my scar is nearly gone, but in it's place are very weak muscles. I was told that my neck muscles are nearly too weak to hold my head up, thus causing the neck pain and headaches. So starting next week I'll be going back to physical therapy for neck strengthening and massages. The massages totally make up for the fact that I'll be back in physical therapy. (-: Plus I really like the physical therapy assistant that will probably be working with me again.

The doctor did confirm a fear that I've had and that is that this is my life. These "flare-ups" will most likely occur for the rest of my life. Lovely, right? But having that confirmed is only making me think, "Okay, figure out how to deal with this. If this is my life, figure out how to make it 'normal'." What I don't have to figure out is what God's up too. I may not enjoy this "trial", but I know that it's not in vain. I may not understand why He has given me this new life, but I trust Him.

I've heard a million times in the last year and a half "God won't put more on you than you can bare". At first, that sort of annoyed me. I mean, I'm feeling like the last 16 months have been PLENTY, but this morning I was thinking about that statement, and I started to feel very honored and humbled and had to apologize to God for feeling annoyed. He has put this all on me because apparently He thinks that I'm one tough cookie. Now I don't necessarily agree with Him, but since He's God - He's right. So He's allowing me to go through this because He knows that I can. And He's right, because I'll grip His hand and He'll lead me even when I can't see. He'll be my strength because I am so weak. For whatever reason, He has given me this obstacle and whatever the outcome, His glory will be shown. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to be a part of that!

Romans 5:3-5 "And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. "