Monday, July 30, 2012

I've heard it all!

Yesterday, a well meaning brother, approached me at church to give me some (a-hem) advice. He let me know that I just couldn't claim these headaches. He believed that if I just didn't claim the pain then I wouldn't have it... *crickets*

Also in this week a sister, meaning well I'm sure, told me that I just needed to step out in faith and attend a women's event and "give the devil a headache". This was texted to me when under the influence of pain medicine I couldn't lift my head off a pillow, nor stand water trickling over my head to wash my hair, much less drive myself to the church and hear a bunch of women chattering.


I have said this before, but while I am no Job, there are definately times that I can relate to him. Remember when his three 'friends' came to give him some 'advice' not having any clue what the heck they were talking about in the first place? Yeah...

You know, I know that God works for the good of those that love Him and are the called... I'm not worried about being in pain, but it IS rather inconvienient. I have missed days of work, church, my family, etc. I've become somewhat of a recluse holed up in my house with not much of a social life. I AM battling depression and exhaustion from being kept awake or woken up with a head on the verge of explosion, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has a purpose and a plan in it all. I do NOT accept that I have somehow brought this on myself. Denying that I can't walk straight isn't going to suddenly make my head clear up. Forcing myself to attend things or do things to please other people isn't going to heal me, cause trust me - I DO that. Several days I have to FORCE myself out of bed to play mommy and wife because how fair is all this to my family? I force myself to church, to work, to the mundane tasks like grocery shopping - but no healing yet.

One thing I know is that I am able to relate/witness whatever you want to call it to others batteling health problems. Now I'm not talking about people that have stumped their toe. I'm talking about people that have suffered with health issues for years, seen their lives change before their eyes, and had no one to rely on but God. You know why? Cause I've been there!! Walked through that fire! Like a Hebrew boy, God and I are still dancing in THAT flame. What annoys me is the people who, meaning well, try to offer up advice having no idea what they are talking about. I'm sure that God has allowed them to face things in their lives that they can relate to others about that I never will, but this... well, this I just wish they would give me NO advice rather than BAD advice! LOL

But, really all I'm doing right now is griping and complaining and really what I need to be doing is asking God for grace. Thus far He's done a great job of supplying me with enough to bite my tongue when people are a wee bit ignorant, and I just caught myself getting a little impatient yesterday. So forgive me, God. People never know what to say so they often say the wrong thing. I know that none of these people mean any harm, and help me to never be offensive with my tongue.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

It could be worse...

Headaches are bad. Real bad. But at least I haven't ripped off my head yet and I've been able to get started on my medicine again. It usually takes 2-4 weeks to get in your system, so that stinks but 3 days down!

Monday, July 23, 2012

YAY for partial fills!

I must admit, sometimes I'm not real bright! LOL Today my mom suggested that I get my medicine partially filled to lower the cost. Duh! Why didn't I think of that? As I type my pharmacy is cutting my prescription in half for me to pick up later! HOORAY! These wretched headaches will quiet their roar in just a few short days. :-)

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Come on August 1!

So my husband was laid off work a few months ago and we lost our insurance. I've enrolled in mine, but it doesn't begin until Aug. 1st. The bummer is that I ran out of my medication a couple weeks ago. At first I was okay and got excited thinking that I no longer needed to take medicine every day, a couple times a day. But for the last week or so I haven't been okay. Boo! I've got a couple pain pills left so hopefully that will get me through work. *sigh* And this too shall pass...

Monday, July 9, 2012

Just another day...

Yesterday was a 'headache day'. It sucked. I missed church and laid around sleeping in a pain pill induced fog all day. Lovely. My husband said something that is still bouncing around in my head. He'd said that we had a big day on Saturday and it must've just wiped me out. Really?!? We just did what normal mother's do... And it wiped me out? Blah!

In other news, I've left the job that I thought was my "dream job". I'm still nursing, just in another department. While I like the job a lot better (I get to pee during my shift, take lunch, AND I leave before 8:30!), now I'm just left with confusion as to what I want to be when I grow up. Waaa! (-;

Haven't had an MRI in quite sometime. My neurologist doesn't seem to think it's necessary? I don't know if he's right, and maybe I'm just obsessed... Afterall, the tumor IS slow growing... But there are days that my balance is all wrong, and I run into walls several times, or my memory seems cloudy, or the center of my leg hurts with pain that radiates down my left leg and I can't help but wonder... is IT back?