Thursday, January 26, 2012

Delighting myself in the Lord...

Psalm 37:4-6 Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

Adjusting as a new nurse hasn't been easy for me - at all. In school there is brief talk about how reality can be a little harsh, and I guess I should have really listened to those talks!

I worked so hard to get through school fighting not to give up or give in and it was so hard, but I seemed to know what I was fighting for. I wanted to help people. God has been so good to me and He's blessed me through so much that I just wanted to give back. I want to spend the rest of my life doing whatever I can to help others in whatever way I can. And yet, here I am feeling like I'm just doing terrible! LOL

I guess I didn't expect dealing with all the patients that would be unhappy no matter what I do; or being chewed out by doctors until I want to crawl under a rug; or nearly always being unsuccessful at getting IV's started after my patient's are already in pain; or running around like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to get everyone's meds passed out in time, and orders checked off, and cleaning up room so-in-so's vomit, and helping room-so-in-so to the bathroom, all the while getting my assessments done and charted in a timely manner and making sure I'm getting discharges and/or new admits done ASAP.

Some of my 'cheerleaders' tell me that my problem is that I'm just too hard on myself. That could bare some truth... And if so, then how is that corrected? I've always thought that I was self-motivated, but now I'm being to think that I'm over-bearing! LOL

Ah... The joy I felt on my first day has dwindled away and in its' place is this horrid stress and worry. I'm constantly afraid that I'm doing something wrong or that I'm about to make some awful mistake, but in reality, isn't that part of learning? I mean, I don't WANT to make a mistake, but at some point, I will, and that is how I'll learn - right?

Looking at this picture makes me a little sad. My mom had come to see me on my first day at work and brought me flowers. I was so happy... so excited... so confident! I want to feel like THAT again! However, I have realized that I need help. I can't - so I'm gonna need a little help. I'm going to delight myself in the Lord... And I'll begin by counting my blessings.

1. I had this job before I even graduated from college! It was held just for me and it was my DREAM job. It's where I was a patient myself before going to Emory for surgery.

2. I have a job. There are many of my classmates that graduated with me that STILL don't even have jobs.

3. I'm getting to know everyone on my floor, including the physicians that we regularly deal with.

4. I really like my director, manager, and educator.

5. I've been leaving before 8:30 at night the last couple of weeks & taking a lunch! LOL

6. When I get to work, I stay really busy (which I like).

7. Our floor has the nicest patient rooms in the hospital.

8. Our floor frequently scores high on patient satisfaction surveys.

9. I get to work days and am off on most weekends.

10. We have good secretary's which is wonderful for us AND our patients/family's.

So, God, thank You for the positive's and help me to focus on these things. Help me in my weaknesses and fears. Thank You for surrounding me with such a good support system and carrying me through! Amen!