Ever feel like you just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers high above your head? That's what kind of day I have had today. The scars from my brain surgery have healed nicely. My hair has grown back. I can walk again without using a walker. On the outside everything looks "normal", but on the inside I feel like I have a long way to go...
I get confused easily. I'm tired all the time. It's very hard to stay focused on anything. I forget a ton of things. I am not allowed to be as active as before, so that means that I've gained weight and everything feels too small. *sigh*
In the big scheme of things, I shouldn't complain. People probably think that my whoa-is-me attitude is crazy. Yet some days it's really hard to shake myself out of the blues.
I'm trying really hard to be "pro-active". I'm trying really hard to get back to my "normal" routine. And yet I just wish that I really was normal again.
The weekend after Thanksgiving 2007, my back was killing me. I figured that it might be a kidney infection with the holiday season approaching, finals at school, and a busy time at work. I bounced around to a couple different doctors before ending up in the hospital on December 15. During that time period, my left side became numb. After an MRI, the doctor said something that I least expected to hear, "You have a lesion on your brain".
On December 17, I underwent emergency surgery to remove a Juvenile Pilocytic Astrocytoma (brain tumor) from my cerebellum. The tumor had fingers that had spread into my brain stem.
With a lot of physical therapy, doctors visits, and family support - I can now drive again, walk again, and am working as a RN on the exact same neurology/orthopedic floor that I was once a patient on. I've come a long way, but there is still a ways to go...