This morning I was listening to Jeremy Camp's song "My Desire" and my heart began to ache. Every word of that song mimics how I am feeling.
I’ve had my fill of “religion” stuffed down my throat, and while I’m grateful for the things those days taught me – I want something real. And I want Jesus to be real. I’m not satisfied with reading about how wonderful He was. It’s not enough for the ink of pages to tell of His peace, and healing, and comfort, and restoration power. I yearn for that ink to become alive. I want Him to be wonderful NOW. I mean He is wonderful. Don’t get me wrong, but for so many of us “Christians”, He’s not REAL. He’s a beautiful character that we read about. That’s not enough for me. I mean I’m grateful to know what I do know about Him, but I NEED more. I crave more. “I know my heart is to fill You near and I know my life is to do Your will…”
Just like the Jeremy Camp song, I know how far God has brought me. I am in awe that He would ever look at me with anything more than disgust. When I couldn’t even love myself, He did. The King of all Kings looked at me and LOVED me!!!! Is He sure? I mean I’ve done some pretty despicable disgusting things… Of course He’s sure! He’s God! Psalm 45:11 (NKJV) The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord. Enthralled? Beauty? ME?!?!?!?! To Him, I am beautiful (whoa). He’s forgiven and forgotten about all that “junk” that had me all marred and wounded. He sees through eyes that I’m yet to see through.
And get this, He believes in me. That’s crazy! So since He is all knowing and still He believes in me, then so do I. I’ll do whatever I have to do to bring Him alive. I’ll do anything to make Him real. I believe that He can heal the brokenhearted. I know that He’s a comfort in the storm. I know that He’s our strength when we’re weak. He’s a peace that passes all understanding. And I want everyone else to know without a doubt that my God is real. My God is more than ink on pages. Hebrews 13:8 (NIV) Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
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