Aaahhhhh... Headaches have waken me up the past 3 nights. I've had to take Fiorcet at work this week to keep on going, and I've maxed out on the Relpax for the week. (I can only take it 3 days out of the week.) BUT I can honestly say that I've pushed through. I worked, I took my daughter on a 'date' to the movies, and I went shopping with my family. However, just because I've not been passed out on the couch like I wanted to be, does not mean that I haven't hurt. I can honestly say that I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
And no one understands. I'm constantly being pushed to do more. CONSTANTLY. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for me to "always feel bad" for my family, and yet hearing that only adds to my frustration. I'm sorry I "always feel bad". But I do. Not sleeping for 3 nights straight because of PAIN sucks. And I didn't ask for it.
But unless you've actually been there, you just don't understand. My husband is fit as a fiddle. He's a marathon runner and honestly feels like my cure will be if I run and get healthier. He's anti-medicine. He's tired of physicians and hospitals. He just wants me to cure myself by "getting those endorphins pumping". Oh if only that was the answer! Unfortunately, unless God miraculously heals me, I just don't feel that there IS a cure. (Of course I'm not allowed to say that either because I'm just being too negative. As if living with feeling this way for 6 years wouldn't make me feel a little negative.)
If I get upset and cry, I just hear "Oh God..." Don't get me wrong, I know that living with me, with someone with a chronic illness, must be very hard. But it's also VERY hard for me, the person with the chronic illness.
And one another note, the constant pushing does not make me want to do more. Honestly, it makes me want to give up. I'd like to find a rock, climb under it, and just sleep forever.
So the moral to this story, unless you've been there, unless you've lived it, then shut up. The end.
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