It's been a while...

It's been a while since I've shared my thoughts, but that doesn't mean that my mind isn't churning... Writing helps me to get a handle on what it is that is running through my mind, but sharing leaves me feeling open and vulnerable. It used to be that the thought of being vulnerable was extremely frightening, but now I find a liberty in being transparent. When I muster up the courage to be open and honest with the world, I find that I can't hide from myself or God... Perhaps that doesn't make sense to anyone but me! It's totally against my nature to expose my thoughts, faults, and fears, and yet when I do, things start to make sense, seem forgivable, and aren't scary anymore...

Perhaps I find accountability in sharing my thoughts... perhaps it is some level of understanding that I gain... or perhaps there is someone out there thinking or feeling the same things as me... Whatever the case may be, I find answers and I find solace in seeing my feelings typed out across the screen in front of me.

So right now I’ve been drawn to the Book of Ezekiel… I’m only about halfway through really reading and searching through it, but there is one thing that has really stuck out to me big time… God is disgusted by the actions of Israel, and yet, more than once He says that He is acting on who He is rather than how He feels… (Chapter 20 has 4 different mentions of this!) To me that is massive!! There are multiple times in my life that my actions must have totally disgusted God, and yet instead of acting out in disgust or anger or disappointment, He treated me with who He is… He treated me with love because He is love… He treated me with patience because He is patience… He treated me with kindness because He is kind…

And then I am convicted knowing that I allow my hot-temper to get the best of me at times and I totally act out in how I feel and not who He has allowed me to become… Just recently I verbalized my disappointment because I was expressing how I felt instead of holding my tongue and expressing who it is that He has made me… And for whatever reason, He has chosen to make me into someone drastically different than the girl I was before, yet I have been guilty of not allowing that change to shine through me by acting out with my emotions rather than the person that God is molding me into.

And so, I am eternally grateful that He speaks to me… That His word is ALIVE! It lives and breathes and if we are still, we can hear it speak directly to us…