Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I feel like poop. )-:

So let me just whine for a second - I feel pretty cruddy. My head is killing me. I haven't felt my left foot for weeks. And my neck and back of my head (around my scar) is so tender and sore that it hurts to move my neck.

I saw one doctor yesterday who gave me more pain killers and medicine to help me sleep. He also called and got me an appointment for tomorrow at the nuerologist. Both of them feel like my "complications" are due to the surgery and not the tumor. That's what I think too. I mean, JPA is pretty slow growing and these are not the symptoms that I felt at all before the surgery.

I've been fearful for what all this would mean: more surgery?? what if I can't make it in school?? what if I'm forever in pain?? what if I get on meds that will make me blow up when I've already gained lots of weight??

So I've been studying fear in the Bible. It's really cool, because nearly every single scripture that I found regarding fear not only instructed for us to not be afraid, but it listed a reason why. God is my shield. God is my provider. God is my savior. Etc. God is pretty great.

But I still feel like poop and yearn for the day that I won't hurt anymore...

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