Happy Birthday to me!

Tomorrow is my birthday and I don't remember ever being so excited. Not because I'm having a party. Not because I'll get cool gifts. Simply because I'm alive! Honestly, I don't think that I thought I'd ever see another birthday again.

And yet here I am... Turning 25 tomorrow!

I don't blame this tumor on God. I think that "bad things" happen to all people simply because that's part of life. If I didn't love God - I would have gotten the tumor. And knowing God - I still got the tumor.

Knowing and loving God has only served to help me through some of these dark days. His word and promises have sustained me and I know that even when I've felt all alone - He's been right there with me.

Some have said things that almost rubbed me the wrong way. I don't think that they meant to hurt me, but sometimes people do. I've heard that God was still working on me. To me that suggests that I somehow brought the tumor on myself. That's hogwash. Can God use what I've been through - sure! But did He allow me to become sick because of my errors - no. God loves me and I don't think my suffering brings a smile to His face.

The hardest thing for me to hear is that I'm alive and God must have spared me for a great and mighty reason. I know that my "story" is awesome, but what if now something else equally as awesome should happen.

What if His healing me was enough. Will people be let down? What if the tranformation in my soul is it... Did God not do a great thing because no one walked on water or Red Sea's didn't split? Maybe this doesn't made sense to anyone else, but for me it does. (-:

Anyway, all I meant to say was happy birthday to me! Don't know how I strayed from that!