Hi! My name is __________, and I'm....

So I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Something that really isn't a secret at all because it's pretty evident in the pattern of my life, but nonetheless I have kept it under wraps for years and years... I'm a quitter. Terrified of failure to the point that I just seem to choke out and quit before I ever even have a chance to fail.

I've quit all sorts of wonderful things: school, relationships, jobs, etc. It's like a gross little self-sabotage trick that I pull over on myself. I've ducked out on multiple friendships to the point that I don't regard myself as a good friend whatsoever. I know, I know, you're thinking that I'm too hard on myself, but that's only because you don't know me. Really, I'm just being honest.

So now I'm in nursing school and it's tough and that grating little voice is already starting up in the back of my mind and it's saying, "Quit! Surely you don't think YOU can do this, do you??? You'll never make it! You're not smart enough or dedicated enough or whatever enough." And you know what? That voice is probably right. Actually, it is right. But quitting isn't the answer. Nope, not the answer at all.

See, for some reason I feel like I MUST have control and the minute something is too big for my hands I think that I've failed. Really that's not it at all. My hands are only so big, but what I fail to remember is that I'm not alone. Not at all!

I think that sometimes God allows really BIG things to come my way so that I can't even TRY to hold onto them and instead I'll lean into Him and let Him take the reigns. I think He's wanting me to give up some of that control and trust Him to be the controller.

Nursing school is absolutely crazy. It was a crazy idea from the beginning. It's crazy even now. And I can't do it. I can study and study and study and read and read and read, but when it comes down to it there are a million reasons why I can't possibly get through school. And sometimes I'm guilty of looking at those million reasons and maybe even adding to them. BUT there is One (reason) why this is possible. One (reason) why I can actually finish something. One (reason) that ever even made me come this direction in the first place. And if I can just focus on that One (reason), and not those million other insignificant ones, then I'll be just fine.

Hi! My name is Jessica and I'm not giving up!