Happy for my freedom OUT of the hospital!

So I finally did it. Monday, I was hospitalized and requested a different neurologist and received a second opinion.  My "old" neurologist was VERY upset, even came bursting in my room and chewed me out.  I felt absolutely horrible, as I had already been having the hardest time making this choice, but when I met my new neurologist, I felt that I made the right choice.

In the 2 days that I was hospitalized, I had MRI's with/without contract and neither showed any changes. (HOORAY!) Then, I had a lumbar tap, but it was also normal. (YAY!) All we can guess is that I have been on inefficient meds for my body for several years. We're trying to break through this headache and then find new maintenance meds to get me back to 'normal' living.

Normal living... Wow... I can't even imagine... This year, my family has all just left to go see fireworks because today is the 4th of July. I am spending it throwing up, lying on the couch, (forcing myself to) drinking water, and trying to watch Lifetime and feeling sorry for myself. This will be the second year in a row that I've missed the 4th of July due to this kind of thing. Of course I wanted them to go, insisted on it even, but I want to go to!! :/

I just want to be NORMAL. I want to live NORMAL. I want my 8 year old son and 14 year old daughter to have a NORMAL mom. One that pillow fights with them and paints my daughter's nails and shoots my son with Nerf guns and lays under the stars and watches fireworks. I don't want to miss work and have my boss know that my head is retarded. I don't want to know the ins and outs of pain medicines and their side effects. I just want to be a normal 30 year old. I want to paint my toe nails and walls and I want to work out and be fun and have fun. And I don't want to be in the mully grubs and whine and complain.

In the wise words of my momma, this too, shall pass. I will survive because there is one thing I have learned about myself in the last 6 years... I AM a survivor. I am a fighter.