AAAUUUUGGGHHHHHHHH

So incredibly frustrated. I'd like to be clever and compare my present feelings to those of others that have felt similar to how I'm feeling, but honestly I'm just so upset that I can't even think past my feeling of defeat/despair.

I was released from the hospital yesterday. When I went in, I got a "new" neurologist which meant for the first time in over 5 years, I got a fresh new perspective. That did give me hope. My MRI's and lumbar puncture all came back fine and the prognosis was just that I've basically been undertreated all this time. So it was decided that I would come home to 2 new medications. One of them would be a migraine nasal spray and the other called Midrin. It sounded like it wouldn't be long and I would live a fairly normal life!

Well, since I was discharged yesterday, the pharmacy was of course closed. Riding home made me EXTREMELY nauseous and we barely pulled over in time for me to puke everywhere. Fun. But I made it home and then insisted that my husband take my kids out to enjoy the fireworks of the 4th of July while I laid on the couch feeling sorry for myself. What joy.

First thing this morning, my husband took my prescriptions to the pharmacy and was told that these two medicines are so rarely used that they aren't even in stock at any of the pharmacy's in town. Therefore, they wouldn't be here until tomorrow. So I laid on the couch all day whimpering in pain and digging up some old Lortab that I had. But this afternoon the pharmacy called my husband with their apologies that the medicines would actually not be here until MONDAY!!!!!!! I just crumbled in tears.

 

You know, I know that I should be ashamed for complaining when there are so many people out there that have things worse than I do. I have a home and family. I have friends that love me. And yet I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want to be able to enjoy all that I've been blessed with. I wanted so badly to be a part of my family last night to watch the fireworks. I want to be outside with them now playing in the rain. What kind of quality of life is this? When I function, I am on autopilot and only make it for so long before crashing... I just want to live. I just want to be a normal 30 year old. Is that so selfish of me to ask?