The past two days have been nearly headache free. When I awoke this morning, my fourteen year old's face was the first image that I saw. She was peering at me with a worried expression on her face. Instantly she started asking me how I felt, if I was okay, what I needed, etc. I was a little confused because I didn't need anything. I felt great. When I told her this, she had a look of utter confusion.
How guilty I feel. Here I am, the mother, and yet, my daughter has the role that I should have. She's the one that looks after me. Worries over me. Brings me water, or cuts the lights out, or wards off the neighborhood kids from making too much noise outside. She just needs to be a fourteen year old kid. And yet, she is just so mature... And that's because she's always had to be. For the last six years she's had the pleasure of living with a mom with chronic migraines.
And it's not just her. My eight year old son tenses up if his little friends ring the doorbell when really he should just run out to greet them so he can play. He shouldn't be worried that I'll have that ringing vibrate in my head for thirty minutes or so after it's stopped. And my husband... Well, I can't even go there.
A friend of mine recently posted something on Facebook about caring for her elderly mother and how it was both hard on both of them and yet the greatest blessing all at the same time. I think that's how I feel. I feel like such a tremendous burden to my family and so GUILTY because of it, but they insist that it's a blessing that I'm still here with them.
But I AM feeling better and better. My hope and prayer is just that I WILL get better so that my kids CAN finally be kids and not worrying about me. Shesh!
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