Gratefully Hurting

This morning, I laid in my bed, missing church, covers pulled over my head, tears (of pain) rolling down my cheeks, head stabilized by a mound of pillows, facing "the headache". The desire to be overcome with self-pity was dangerously close to overtaking me and to ignore those feelings, I kept willing myself to fall asleep. Unfortunately, the pain was too great and so I just laid there feeling awful. The house was silent. My husband and kids had left for church - the place where I wanted to be. And just before I caved in to the feelings of self-pity, I summoned up the inner Paul and Silas in me. LOL - I started thanking God.

Because of the headache, I couldn't say anything out loud, but as I laid there, in my head I started remembering where I could be... should be, even. And I just started praising God. I started remembering 3 1/2 years ago now when that surgeon came in my room and told us to prepare for long-term arrangements for my care, because chances were that after surgery I would face brain damage - maybe even extensive. Doctors said that I may not take care of myself again. Could you imagine? Being a 24 year old woman, not being able to wash your own hair? Brush your own teeth? And yet, nearly 4 years later, the ONLY problem I have is fighting a dumb ol' headache. Other than that, I'm fine! No brain damage! I mean, I'm in nursing school about to graduate with an R.N., I'm training for a 5K (so that means that I can at least walk) LOL, and I have NEVER had to live in a nursing home! HOORAY!! :-D

And then I had to start praising God that it's me dealing with this and not my kids. How fortunate and blessed am I to have such healthy, smart, beautiful children!! My children have never had to be hospitalized and they don't have any idea what the inside of an ambulance looks like or the inside of an MRI machine. My husband is also healthy! God has blessed him with health so that he is able to work for us and provide. What would we do if he was plagued with this? We'd be homeless! How blessed we are!! Of all of us, God knew exactly who to let deal with the health stuff. He's blessed me with an incredibly strong husband to lean on in my dark days; a husband that doesn't even have to be asked to take care of the kids, meals, or household chores when I'm sick; a husband that silently gets my medicine and brings me food in bed. Last night, in the middle of the night, I nudged him and said, "Babe, 'the headache' is here." He shot out of bed and got my medicine and water just like that! I wouldn't even do that! LOL - Oh, God I thank You! I could be suffering with this all alone.

These may not be the plans that I have for myself, but God's plans are perfect. And His grace is fufficient. I'm not giving up on complete healing, but in the meantime, I'm just thankful for what He has already done for me. And if He chooses not to take away my headaches, He's done MORE than enough for me already. And I'm grateful. :-)